- 1 Hey hey hey, it’s time to recap the Kooyong Leaders Debate piece
- 2 The Aesthetics of Poverty – Why students at UniMelb are so keen to appear poor.
- 3 Satire: Farrago Shuts Down; Honi Soit Now Australia’s Oldest Student Publication
- 4 VCA Students Demand UniMelb to Commit to “Zero Tolerance” Policy
- 5 Divestment for Dummies: An UMSU Enviro Guide
Hey hey hey, it’s time to recap the Kooyong Leaders Debate piece
Poor Selina, she had to watch the whole debate.
Bạn đang xem: How to summon the devil, and what to do when he shows up
The Aesthetics of Poverty – Why students at UniMelb are so keen to appear poor.
The discourse accusing this so-called ‘student aesthetic’ of fetishising poorness has surfaced within the past year on social media (especially TikTok) and in conversations between students on and off
Satire: Farrago Shuts Down; Honi Soit Now Australia’s Oldest Student Publication
As of today, Farrago Magazine, Australia’s oldest student publication, will cease operations under the current four editors.
VCA Students Demand UniMelb to Commit to “Zero Tolerance” Policy
Students at the Victorian College of the Arts (VCA) are calling on the University of Melbourne to “commit to stronger policies and actions when it comes to sexual assault”, after the University ignore
Divestment for Dummies: An UMSU Enviro Guide
Care about the environment but don”t know what to do? Don”t worry, 2022 UMSU Environment OBs Chelsea Daniel and Zach Matthews are coming to the rescue.
Hocus-Pocus Recipes and Rituals: How to Summon a Demon Friend
Marcie Di Bartolomeo (writer); Jessica Norton (illustrator)
Here I’m going to show you some simple tricks of the trade to summoning a demon to the mortal realm.
Illustration by Jessica Norton
Hello hello! I’m Selena Sparklemoon, your local apothecary and witch. If you were anything like me growing up, you probably struggled at times making friends. As you come of age you may realise you still struggle making friends. And sure, you can choose to focus on pursuing other things (like gardening). But what if you need to bring a friend to a party, or a family reunion? What if you need some pals to keep you safe in the city? It’s hard to make friends; it’s especially hard to make them on short notice.
So why bother making friends when you can summon them? Here I’m going to show you some simple tricks of the trade to summoning a demon to the mortal realm. If you feel reluctant to summon denizens of hell, don’t be! I can assure you, demons are very fun, cordial, social individuals. I should know, my best friend Amon’s a demon! And this ritual is mostly safe. Maybe pack some extra salt just in case.
You can source most of these ingredients from your local market or garden, or a travelling salesperson at any old crossroads. Just don’t close any deals with a handshake—unless you don’t mind your soul being eternally bound to hell and its denizens.
You will need the following:
A summoning areaA cup of salt. Sodium chloride (NaCl) to be preciseSix scented candles. Preferably lavenderChalk. Lots of it (at least one box)A box of matchesAn offering (depends on the demons, usually a couple boxes of organic dark chocolate will work out fine)Start by choosing your summoning area. It can be your attic or basement, a clearing in a deep dark forest, or an abandoned building. You can also choose a cemetery but expect some unexpected guests (like ghosts and ghouls and vampires).Cover your chosen summoning area in a large ring of salt. Make sure there are no gaps. You don’t want your demons getting up to any mischief the minute they appear in the mortal realm—save that chaos for later.Using your chalk, draw a circle within the confines of the salt. Then draw an inverted pentagram in the circle—make it big and expressive so that it looks like you put your heart and soul into it. After all, you’re trying to impress your future demon friends!Place five of your candles at each point of your pentagram. Place the sixth in the centre.Light the candles with a match (the fewer the better, you don’t want to waste too many). Your summoning circle should be glowing now (and smelling faintly of lavender).Place your offering in the centre of the circle, next to the sixth candle.Now recite the words, “Saecula saeculorum, be my friend, be my friend,” over and over, about six times. Say this confidently and with conviction. If you have a particular demon in mind for summoning—such as an old friend you want to see again—picture them in your head while chanting.If you have done steps one through seven correctly, you should see volumes of purple and red light emanate from the centre of the summoning circle. You should then see several demons munching greedily on your offering.At this point, introduce yourself! Get to know them too, and make sure they know not to cause too much chaos while on the mortal plane. The demons you have summoned will be pretty random—unless you concentrated on a particular one while chanting—and this applies to their personalities as well, so keep that in mind!Once you have confirmed that they’re cool and you will be safe in their presence, feel free to break the salt ring and invite them to your social gathering!Once you are done with your social gathering, return them to the summoning circle, rebuild the salt ring, recite the words, “Home sweet home,” and they will return to their ring of hell. You are welcome to avoid this last step and keep them around as long-term friends, but do be warned: after 24 hours the ritual’s protections will have worn off and your demon friends will be free to do whatever they please!
That’s something I admittedly did the first time I cast this ritual. And sure, it got me Amon, my best friend—but after one too many destructive adventures in the city square, my coven forced me to finish the ritual and banish them home. I sure do miss them, I wonder if they’re doing okay… That’s all from me for now! Tune in next time where I will reveal a nifty recipe on a perfume that removes brain fog! Buh-bye for now!
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